October 5, 1999
Five-hundredth upon a time, there was a person that said, “OK, I’m going to catch the best Pokemon in the universe, Mew.” But he already had Mew.
He went to look for Mew in his giant cage, but there was just a substitute Mew. Then he said “Mew, Mew!” and a Mew jumped out from behind a tree and killed him, and wrote a letter, “Mew killed man.” Then they sent a whole search party out to find Mew.
The search party couldn’t find him anywhere. They searched for ten years. One came back after ten years and said they found signs saying “Mew killed man” and stuff like that. Then he said they should send out people to hide, and when they see Mew, blast it.
But the first person, Toto, was hiding in a tree with binoculars, looking out through the tree branches, and Mew was flying in the sky. They didn’t know Mew could fly. Mew flew down into the tree and went inside the middle of the tree and then put up a sign saying, “Mew killed man spying on me.”
Then another person named Tojo tried to call Toto on his walkie-talkie, and Mew answered saying, “I killed him, I killed him. Now I’m coming to kill you.” And then Mew used his psychic powers to shut off Tojo’s walkie-talkie.
“Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah,” Mew said, while he was flying off. Then he saw giant falcons and bald eagles and mortal eagles. He said, “Challenge me or you’ll die.”
And they said, “We’ll challenge you now, Dumbo.”
He said, “Why are you calling me Dumbo?”
Then they said, “If you don’t know why, then you must be a Dumbo! Ha ha ha, that’s a good joke – Dumbo.”
Then all the birds turned their beaks and wings into drills and swords, and went in with their beaks to get their drills into them. Mew was beating them away with his claws and teeth and head and tail and feet and knees and heels and thighs and butt and dick. Then, Mew flew down and wrote a sign and put signs like it all over, which said, “Mew is a strange and scientific kind of creature, which there is only one of. Do not catch me.”
Then he flew up by the birds and made a special wave of physical powers and beams of these waves. These physical power beams made the birds fall down. But he used his physical powers to make the birds fall down and fly away.
Then he flew down and wrote a sign saying, “I have special kinds of physical powers and psychic powers.”
Then he said, “I’m going to use my physical powers to read those birds’ minds.” But then he said, “I’m dumb. Instead of using my physical powers to read their minds, I should use my psychic powers. I must be the dumbest man in the universe.”
Seeing and Attacking Mew
Then he saw billions of people casting nets all over him. Then with their guns they blasted ropes and metal cables around him until he couldn’t move. Then they put him in a box with metal strings all over it, and floating rock strings, and they dumped it out in the ocean.
Then Mew said “Phew! I’m really a person; I always wanted to be in the ocean sailing a sailboat.” He unwrapped the box and made the parts into a sailboat. Then he made a motor out of the stuff, and then he saw another boat with Mewto in it, and then a boat with a Kwygunding in it. And then they all said, “They captured us and put us in boxes just like yours. Let’s go capture them.”
They made a net out of the boats and flew back to capture them.
Over the town with billions of people in it, they spread the net around. The people were blasting nets at them, and eventually there were nets all over the trees outside of the town, until the net wall was so thick, that when they all screamed as loud as they could into a hornlike thing that focuses your voice into a small point on the wall, you couldn’t even hear it from the outside of the wall if you had the best hearing in the universe.
Then they said, “Good work, now let’s burn the place.” And they got giant guns that shoot flames as big as buildings, and they blasted the fire at the buildings. Then all the nets set on fire, and then they made a giant explosion, and the explosion covered a billion miles along the earth – even though that’s many times around the earth; it went many times around the earth without stopping. Then everywhere that hadn’t been ocean was desert, except where there had been lakes and rivers, where it was like ordinary land is now, except there were no lakes and rivers and it was a little drier.
Then they said, “Now let’s spray water all over it.” They got giant water blasting guns and then everyone was soaked. At least all the high mountains like Mount Everest looked like islands, and some of the low mountains were like shallow water. And almost every human that survived moved to Mount Everest.
Then they said, “Now let’s make Mount Everest explode in an explosion as big as the other ones.” The whole Earth exploded and they got blasted onto Jupiter. It was hard for them, they could barely fly; instead of flying, they could just walk, and they could levitate a little.
Then they saw a net fall down on them and they were captured.
Escaping From ???????? (not Jupiter)